A Day in Dame Dotty’s Dairy Diary

0500: Had problems milking Buttermilk, she didn’t produce any milk! It was an udder failure.

0800: I looked into expanding the dairy and selling Russian milk. I will need to get some Moscows to make that work.

0900: Decided to start selling skimmed milk. The hardest part of that idea is throwing the cow across the lake.

10:00: Checked my profile on ‘Muddy Matches’.com. I went on a date with a guy who wasn’t much of a gentleman, he refused to open the car door for me. He left me and just swam to the surface of the lake.

11:00: Some sad news, the frog from the pond croaked it today.

11:30: The postman arrived with a parcel for me, it’s a special machine to help me count my cows, and it’s a cowculator!

12:00: Lunchtime, poor Buttermilk fell down a hole in the field…Hole-y cow!

2 pm: That lovely Farmer next door, Barn Toby Wild, called for me on his motorcycle. Oh, he looks so hunky riding his Cowasaki!

4 pm: The vet called to check over Buttermilk. I asked him why cows have hooves instead of feet? Do you know what his reply was? Well, I’ll tell you…he said it was because they lactose!

5:30 pm: Time for a tipple and a yoghurt…I’d better be careful not to get too Mullered! 

7:00 pm: Jack & Simon arrive home for tea, I asked Jack how he would speak to a Giant. He told me he would use BIG words!!

8:00 pm: Simon had some homework to do before bed. It was difficult for him to answer this question. Why don’t penguins fly? Well, that’s easy Simon, it’s because they’re not tall enough to be pilots! Duuurgh…he is silly.

9:00 pm: time to rest my weary head after another busy day. Oh, festive joke…what do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!

Cows talking